who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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