who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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