Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You are a genius and a whore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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