this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
