gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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