Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
