i barfeds in our rink
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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