for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
