people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
