And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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