I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
