I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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