we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
