so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
