I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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