Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
