im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
