That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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