smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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