eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
