Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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