butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
