I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
