Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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