I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
