He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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