seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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