those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
