I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
