best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
