i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
