Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
