Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
