it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
