she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
