Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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