Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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