hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
