so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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