tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
