Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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