You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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