to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Never joke about your clitoris.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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