so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He has the fingertips of a God
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
