i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
