Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
