im drinking this country out of the recession.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
