im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
