i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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