90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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