Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
