then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
