Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
