It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
