You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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