I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
