I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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