Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
