Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
