he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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