I accidentally had phone sex last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
