we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
