I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
