she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
