Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
