Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
