Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
